how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize