C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
