Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we should paint friendship bongs
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
