so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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