Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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