She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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