as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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