I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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