Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i dont even know how to be here
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
