you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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