alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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