If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
this hospital has no fireball
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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