just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize