A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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