we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
