I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
