i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
