We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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