Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Randomize
