Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
