I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
