I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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