he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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