ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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