I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
