You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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