The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
