You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
