I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
