How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
