Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
