I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
