I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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