I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
