my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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