I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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