i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
