Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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