I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
