your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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