Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
