And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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