Its about making memories worth repressing
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
