my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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