I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
