Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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