you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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