I hate your face
from now on my penis is your penis
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
