I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
