he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize