I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
