I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
