Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
