I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
