stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There r osticjed everywhere
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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