im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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