I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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