you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
