i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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