Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
