Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
