My friends, they love my intelligence
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
