Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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