chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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