are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
