I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
