i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
