I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
