I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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