Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
