we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
