i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
