I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
