I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
