lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
