I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
