Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
