I'm so fucking centered right now
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
