who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
