Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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