I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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