Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
