Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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