Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
