I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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