made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Randomize