I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
