i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
