I am midnight drunk by noon
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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