Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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