nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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