Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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