I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
