Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize