I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
