You're completely useless in the revolution.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
