hell yes lets make some ravioli
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
