I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I touched a dick in church today
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
