Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
