She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
did i just pee glitter
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
